Being a woman is certainly not easy. The world tells you to be prefect so that you can be loved. Women are expected to please everyone by being feminine, soft-spoken, dependent, cute, sweet and slim. Ladies are to be married in their 20’s. News flash: last I checked, I don’t fit into the little woman mold and I am extremely flawed. With the added bonus of being single and no longer in my 20’s, what is a simple girl like me suppose to do?
One friend told me that all I need is some make-up. Another friend told me to try on-line dating. Girlfriends wanted me to wear colorful clothes. Concerned friends wanted me to change church. Family wanted me to go out and have started their praying mission. Like that is not enough, some busybody family friends rushed to introduce me. All in all, I wondered what have I done wrong?
Being single does feel like a second-class citizen sometimes. I don’t go to company holiday parties because I have no date. When I get lonely, I wonder what is wrong with me for being alone. I do feel less attractive because I have no boyfriend/spouse. I self evaluate at times and wonder if I am going to be bitter about life because I am single. I do momentary complain to my parents and God why there isn’t anyone right around. I don’t have an answer. However, I can’t help to feel singleness equal failure of some sort, which I have no idea on what.
Through my struggles, God has opened my heart and my eyes. Slowly I got to see a side, which the world is not telling. Looking around, of the same age group, one friend had dated 2 guys in their late 40s. Couple friends couldn't get the guys they are dating to commit. Another friend got married and got divorced before her first wedding anniversary. One friend, got married, got her first baby, is unhappy. Where is the joy and love that they are supposed to have as promised by the world?
With God’s grace, I gradually realized that a lot of people date or are in a relationship for the wrong universal reason: they are with someone to fill the voids in their lives. People often place their happiness, hopes and dreams in their companions without realizing that their companions are also humans, who have limitations and just cannot fulfill. Thus any relationship that does not have God, it crushes and burns fast. It suddenly hit me that although I am not in a relationship, am I like others who also have placed something else to replace God in my life?
God has showed me that there is nothing wrong in being me and being single. Contrary to what the world is saying, I do not have to be perfect to be loved. God loves me as I am. As imperfect as I am, to God, I am His precious and I am worth so much that He loves me dearly and had sent His son Jesus to die for me. I have value. God has reaffirmed my worth by placing loving family, great boss and caring friends by my side. Each day whether it is good or bad, I know I am much loved.
Additionally, God also showed me that singleness is not a failure but a gift. With it, God has taught me patience and has protected me from all the unnecessary heartbreaks. I have learned to put Him first before anything or anyone. A very hard lesson to learn but what a better time to learn, when you are single and don’t have much distractions?
I am no longer looking for Mr. Perfect (since I am no Ms. Perfect). I know if I were to date or get married, the guy has to pass my prayer test (to get approval from God), and be worth it. I am very clear that I will never get married for marriage sake. Even if being single is permanent, it really does not matter because I know God is with me. My savior Jesus completes me. My happiness, hopes and dreams are in Him. There is much joy, love and contentment.
I may not know much but God is my shepherd, He will lead me to where I need to go. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9. “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. I am in good hands, what else can a girl ask for?
As I continue my life journey, I hope I will strive to place God in the center of my life, as that is the most important. Life is certainly not easy, I am sure I will have my moments, but I am glad to have Christ. Because of Him, everything has meaning and purpose.
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3 comments:
Phoebe,
I did not know you had that view of singlehood before. I was the biggest proponent of the joy of singlehood before...the freedom to do things...etc. when I was engaged. I urged people to stretch it out. Now, married I can say, they both have their own advantages and disadvantages. Same as marrying younger or older. And you're right, you have everything that some people only wish they had. Family and friends who love you, a great career that utilizes your talents, and self-confidence that carry you far in life. Need I mention, good health, smartness and awareness? I probably only have only two of these I mentioned. the saying, the mass of man live miserable lives may have some truth to it. In the end it's all in God's hands. So with you there is still that exciting romantic looking forward to as to who He has in store for you mixed with the joyful hope of what He has in store for you. God bless, Chinny
Chin, don't get me wrong, I am a happy single. I just have my momentary lapses and this post is just a reflection of those times. Thank you for your comment and encouragement! :)
Check out "When God Writes Your Love Story"
by Eric Ludy
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